The Power of Comments by Leaders (Part 3) – Solutions

Author: Dave Crisp

4 Mar

A major problem with negative comments is that people often don’t take responsibility for them directly. Sometimes they slip into conversations before we are even aware we’re going to sound critical. It may be indirect, but because we don’t praise something, take things for granted or ask for more, it’s perceived negatively.

Managers are human. No one really likes delivering criticism even though some appear to. So it’s often delivered obliquely, in an indirect or back-handed way, in passing, as an aside or a throw-away remark. Unfortunately these sting far more than directly pointing out a problem more fully. Above all they seem real because they slip out as if the person was thinking this, but didn’t really intend to say it. Wham, that slip must show what they "really" think.

Now, the power of negative snap remarks might seem to be a good thing. People should take criticism seriously. But coming out obliquely, it won’t be in the context of a rational problem-solving discussion. It leaves people with little opportunity for a reasonable comeback. They’ll stew over it, but may not change. Instead they are more likely to feel unfairly treated and resist or react badly.

A far better route is to routinely find things to praise in every effort and note silently what’s missing or wrong. Then, when you’ve had a chance to frame the problem accurately, call the person aside and say something simple and direct like, "I have a problem. I notice…." whatever it is.

In private, with time to discuss, a person may react or vent initially, but will feel respected. If it’s presented as a problem you share, that needs to be solved for the good of the work, the impact is appropriate, but also comes with an opportunity to show thoughtfulness from both parties and progress toward a solution. The emphasis shifts from simply smacking the person with what’s wrong to a constructive search for something better for both.

So, a typical paradox, it’s better to make a "big thing" out of something that’s wrong than to snap out a "little" judgments in passing. If you figure your average employee should be doing the right things 80% to 95% of the time, doesn’t it make sense to praise that often? And if the problem really needs fixing, isn’t it worth extra time on that, especially if it’s only 5% of the total?

Too many managers use the excuse there’s no time. Well, take a look at what part of this takes an extra bit of time – that is – to lead people properly. With just a bit of practice, praise comes as easily and immediately as criticism. Biting your tongue on the nasty stuff takes less than a split second and can also soon become habitual.

So any extra time comes down to making a note, thinking it over before speaking to the person and having a slightly longer conversation than a snap remark would take. This replaces wasted time idly kibitzing or repairing damage anyway, but even if we assume a manager and employee don’t waste any time together, the time a problem-solving conversation takes surely has positive cost/benefit value… unless we assume the manager isn’t adding value. The saving in better results from the employee or reduced resistance to new ideas surely outweighs the investment or, again, we have to assume the manager is incapable of helping find better solutions.

The bottom line is that managers who claim it takes too much time to do things right, to praise and problem-solve, are really admitting they don’t have good ideas for solving real management problems with people. In other words, negative managers are publicly demonstrating visible incompetence, not just rude, inconsiderate or counter-productive behavior. That’s pretty simple to see.

Why do so many organizations let managers get away with this? And why do so many of these managers wear their bad attitudes almost as a badge of success when, in fact, it’s a highly visible bad performance appraisal they’re providing of themselves? We view it that way with other employees. And even a CEO is an employee, by the way. Does anyone really want their plane piloted or their appendix removed by someone who can’t control their emotional outbursts? Why would we accept anything different from managers or executives? These are questions that bear some real thought and indicate a trend in thinking that companies are picking up on.

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